Evening Comics Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

Television's top entertainers spent their airtime ridiculing President Donald Trump's just announced visa initiative, labeled the "gold card," portraying it as a obvious pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

The Late Show's Witty Analysis

Starting his show, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic Christmas jingle directed at the president. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, and then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... destroys each thing he handles."

Colbert's target was the controversial initiative which allows overseas citizens to buy U.S. residency for an investment of $1 million dollars, or "top-tier" option for $5 million. The program's portal guarantees processing "with unprecedented speed."

"One thought here to wealthy foreigners: before you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert joked.

He noted that the scheme is also intended to "squeeze cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, involving significant fees. "That's a lot of fees, though if you enroll, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choice – provided that it's the that one hotel," he said.

"Unprecedented vetting the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people completely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "For a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's slipping approval ratings during financial worries. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a selection of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking conservative media coverage of Trump's financial record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.